It’s Just a Little Snow, but it’s a Good Reason to Mix Myself a Milktoast Mai Tai

Happy Snow Day, East Coast!

I had such a good response from my last Totally Made Up Interview that I decided today would be the perfect day to conduct another one, primarily because I wanted to blog about the weather but I lack sufficient knowledge of such matters (except that my RI family is laughing at us and our headless-chicken antics right now).

So today we’re talking with Mr. I.C. Flakes, renowned—in my mind anyway—expert on winter storms and winter storm preparedness. We were supposed to talk last night so he could tell everyone that there’s no need to panic, but he got caught in that 3-hour traffic jam when that lil’ ol flurry blew through.

However, he’s here now, so we’ll start by talking about storm preparations…

Q: Mr. Flakes, here in these pre-storm moments, do you have any advice for our readers?

A: Of course. Settle in, it’s going to be a long one. Find your flashlights. Look under the beds, for Pete’s sake, they’re in that house somewhere. And stay off the roads.

Q: Good advice, for sure, thank you. I can’t find my flashlight, so I’ll buy one as soon as we’re done here, when I pop out for some bread and milk, you know, because Topper said. It IS a ten-loaf storm, don’t you know?

Okay, Topper, I’m ready! (Callin’ this my milktoast Mai Tai)

A: Out of the question. Stay off the roads, I say. Anything you might have to do is something you should have done yesterday. The shelves are bare now and there’s nothing left to buy. Besides, you don’t even drink milk, and the last time I saw you eat bread was at a Christmas party in 2014 when the host offered it to you, beaming because she’d made it herself. If I recall, you only nibbled until she turned her back and then tucked it under the other slices on the plate.

Q: I didn’t know you were watching. Either way, Topper said, so I kinda have to. It’s not even snowing yet; I think I’ll at least try.

A: You’re nuts, all of you. Nobody should be on the roads today except first responders, snow plows, grocery store employees, and wine distributers.

Q: Grocery store employees?

A: Someone has to restock the wine. When this thing blows over, there’s going to be a mad rush.

Q: Well, I have to go out anyway. I need boots, and a shovel, and perhaps a wood stove.

A: Did you not know winter was coming?

Q: Wait, is that an answer or a question?

A: …

Q: At any rate, how about during the storm. Do you have any advice for what to do during that time?

A: Well, I suggest you front-load your electronically necessary tasks. When the power goes out, most of your efforts will be directed toward eating everything in the fridge before it goes bad.

Q: When the power goes out? Is it that likely?

A: Are you from these parts? The power goes out when an overweight bird perches on the wire; of course it’s going out. That’s why you need to find your flashlights now, before dark.

Q: Okay, I hear you. Heading downstairs now to search. Pulling out blankets, getting firewood in. Charging the phone. Making a place for the dog to sleep. …I think I understand now. Don’t panic, but prepare as best I can now while all is calm.

A: I think you’ve got it. My work here is done.

Q: Um, actually, there’s one more incredibly pressing issue, considering the possibility of no power this weekend. Do you have any thoughts on how we can see the Broncos play New England Sunday if the outage continues?

A: I’m one step ahead of you there. There’s no way I’m missing that. As soon as I hang up I’m taking off for the airport. I’ll be in a little hotel outside of Phoenix by sunset to wait out the storm in front of the television.

Q: Wait, are you driving?

A: I said it’s important for YOU to stay off the roads. Improves my chances of making my flight. So…guess I gotta run.

And there you have it. Mr. Flakes is long-gone now, so I cannot get him back, even if you have questions. I’m watching the first snowflakes  drifting down outside my window with both an eagerness and child-like wonder. And yet, I do have one two last requests, even for those of you watching us from around the internet world. Whether there’s snow or not where you are this weekend, check on your neighbors. and please say a prayer tonight for the large homeless population out here this winter, that they might find shelter this weekend in a safe, warm place.

Stay cozy, stay safe, and I’ll see you after we dig out!

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“Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!  I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.” —Psalm 55:6-8

Tags: blizzard, snow day, snow storm